Norah Jones - What Am I To You?

I heard this on Cities 97 last night and for some reason it caught my attention. I had no idea who sang it at the time, but it is a cool song...and for the record, how many times have we felt like this in a relationship? Any relationship, not just a romantic one. Not a fun place to be.

Crazy Continued

Well today was no exception to the crazies. It was another one of those days. And I realize that I am all over the map--emotionally and mentally. I need a focus other than on the nuts situations in my home, in my families. When I met with a friend tonight, we realized after our discussion that we both had a purge in discussion form. It was good and so needed, but it wasn't until we stopped and began to pray that I realized how out of focus I have been in the midst of a lot of turmoil and stress. In the middle of prayer I began to feel, and started to get choked up. I have been able to identify anger and frustration this week...no problem, but I hadn't allowed myself to get in touch with the stuff of fear, pain, and loss yet. Tonight was a start. Oh my....

Seal - Crazy + lyrics

It's my turn!

Those of you that know my life understand that I work with people who are addicts and mentally ill. They live in our home with us. And while that is unusual to most people, for us it is a calling of God. It is strangely rewarding and even fun sometimes. Mostly it is amazing to watch God transform lives right before your eyes. Awesome stuff! But with all things, there is a flip side too. We are often stuck with the job of weeding through soooo much stuff. Like for instance when we see strange behavior in a person, we are analyzing...what is an organic problem?, might they be using?, have they been taking their meds properly?, have they met up with something or someone from their past that is a problem???? On and on. And with the "organic" issues comes mental illness. It is super hard to determine what is just mental illness and where excuse and rebellion has entered in. And so poor behavior is common. And we as the caregivers are supposed to excuse these behaviors and instabilities as "Well they are ill." AND, my beef for the day...we are expected to not only understand and excuse, but we have to remain calm, stable, and rational at all times. We are to be balanced, caring, understanding, patient. Well, I have decided that I need days to be the unstable one, the sick one. Because frankly, this makes me sick! So there might just be days when I am off my rocker, and all of you will just need to just understand because, well, I might have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or Depression, or Bipolar, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Chemical Dependency, Co-Dependency.......................................I want to act like an idiot for a change, and have a reason to chalk it all up!! I tire of always having to be the stable and rational one. So there!