Some things are better left unsaid

I am finding that some people really have a tough time dealing with pain and loss...or the potential of it. It is bad enough when it strikes their life and you can see the tailspin begin. But then there are those awkward moments (and we have all had them), when we face someone else's pain and loss, and we have no idea what to say, or if we should say anything at all, but yet feel that we should say something! UGH! Well I was on the receiving end of a moment like this last week...and I have had a few of those since my dad's diagnosis.
I was giving someone an update on my dad, and it was not a great update. None of them have been lately :( Anyway, the person I was talking to has been acquainted with much pain and loss in her own life and so her ability to empathize should be intact. I found out quite differently. When she heard the misery my dad was in and of course the impact it is having on me, she replied, "Well this is going to sound harsh,...but you know, he chose this! He really did!" My first instinct was to agree because I am a realist to the max. Yep, I get it...he chose to smoke in spite of the warnings. Yep, got it! But did he chose this? Really? Did he choose to gag and vomit daily? Did he choose to not be able to eat? Did he choose to essentially be starving, losing 85 lbs. in a matter of months? Did he choose to develop a pulmonary embolism? Did he choose to pass out and fall to the ground? Did he? The realist in me says yes. The daughter in me says no! No one would choose this.
Sadly, the person who said this to me is a person who ministers to people who are victim/survivors of suicide. Does she give this word of "comfort" to the families who have been abandoned to suicide? Well, they chose it, right?
Some things are better left unsaid.