Today

Today I am in a weird spot. The only word I can give is melancholy. I am lethargic, teary and just blah. Today I was driving and the new anniversary version of I Can Only Imagine came on. It moved me to tears and I found myself LONGING for home, LONGING to be rid of this world. And then in the next instant I felt guilty for wanting to leave my babies and my family! I feel so heavy like I have a load of emotions to dump somewhere.
And then I talked to dad, and his first day was positive. Radiation went well, port insertion went well and he ate 2 huge meals with no problem! This is amazing! I was so blessed and then I started crying because I know that there will be terribly hopeful days and terribly dreadful days ahead. I know I have to take this a day at a time, but how do you do that when one day can look 100% opposite of the next? How do you maintain any sense of normal, of balance with this stuff?
I do long for the arms of my Jesus, and if I can't have Heaven just yet, then I guess He is going to have to hold me now because I gotta land somewhere.



By the way, this is not the anniversary edition, but the video is sooo good!