Been gone for so long

Wow, I hate that I have been gone for so long. Life has gotten busy these days for sure. The swing of school and dance and plays and concerts is in full swing. We have had a house full of new people with new needs and new schedules and new quirks. It can be an exhausting ride sometimes. And yet, I see it as an adventure. Not a fun one all of the time for sure. Last night there was a woman slumped over on my couch and I got the fun job of confronting her and trying to figure out what she was on. Nice! (At least the kids were in bed for that one). It saddens me so to encounter people who have so much life left to live and so much to offer who are only looking for their next escape. What a waste...a sad, sad waste. THEY have been gone for so long, they seldom know who they are anymore or that their LIFE is worth living....sober and alert. Yes the pain of the hell they have created must be faced head on and it sucks....big time! But there is beauty on the other side of it. Sadly, some never desire to push through to the other side.
I see it almost daily in this ministry. I see it in myself sometimes too. Fearful to push through the sh*% to the other side where there is a new scene I can view. Much prayer needed.

Toby Keith - I Wanna Talk About Me

This song is for you Sarah...(roles are reversed however :)

My Imposter

Sarah and I are reading "Abba's Child" by Brennan Manning. The man is amazing, and yet he messes with me and my comfortable little bubble. And so he highly frustrates me! One of the chapters is titled "The Imposter" and it deals with the false self that we all have. It is the person we present to others, the one we are internally pleased with because it keeps us-or our true, flawed selves in hiding. Well, one of the ways that I know God has shown me that I can expose my imposter is to not give it a voice. Also I believe He showed me that a way to get our imposters to take a back seat is by fasting. And so should it be any surprise to me that God called me to do something that involves BOTH of these solutions! He has asked me to fast from Facebook for a MONTH! Yikes! I started it on the 12th and I am going through withdrawals now! I mean is there really anything else to do on the Internet? Some ideas would be welcome. :) But in reality, I know that I can become better acquainted with my true self if I get off of Facebook and spend more time becoming intimate with my Abba.

I just realize it sometimes

Do you ever get so lost in the mundanity of life and your routines that you forget some things? I do! Forget might be a strong word, but wow, just think....it's cold outside, and I am cuddly warm right now. Some people are desperately lonely; I have more people in my life than I sometimes can manage! My belly is full; my car gets me from point A to B; my kids are healthy; my bills are paid (except for the one I have procrastinated and keep forgetting to pay!); I have a church family; I have good friends; I have a great husband; I can laugh; I can worship freely; I can vote....the list is endless. Sometimes I just am flooded with realization that God has blessed me in amazing ways. And yet tomorrow, He might afflict me or crush some bones or something, but I pray that I might still praise Him.

But Lord, first I have to......

This morning Jeremy was telling me about a conversation he had with a mutual friend of ours. This friend is a believer, and has felt for years that God has burdened him to be a "giver." Now the thing is, he and his wife have very conservatively paying jobs, and for the wife especially, this burden kind of scares her. She is a very calculated, regimented, careful sort. He, on the other hand would love to be giving even to the point of it being hillarious. He hasn't necessarily known HOW God has wanted to develop this burden into action, but it has stuck with him.

So, the current converstaion is this. Jeremy asked him where all of this is at today. He said, "Well, everything is kind of on hold with that. We are trying to pay off our house in 10 years....so yeah."

WHAT?!

Immediately, Scriptures come to mind. Mark 10:17-31--the rich young man--"One thing you lack," he said. "Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."......"no one who has LEFT HOME or brothers or sisters.....OR FIELDS...will fail to receive hundred times as much in this present age..."

Mark 8:21--the cost of following Jesus--"Lord, first let me go and bury my father." But Jesus told him, "Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead."

The FIRST order of business is NOT to take care of our personal earthly affairs. Get all of our ducks in a row--finances, family, careers, THEN you can walk into the calling of God? NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! I am trying very hard to not walk in criticism and judgement towards our friends. I definitely have areas where I hide out in fear and hold back too. WOW! The world is lost, the church is falling apart at the seams, and we sit like ducks nuturing our little nest egg WAITING for that day when we can spring into action? Not good.

Hephzibah by Beckah Shae

This woman is a talented artist. I am really liking her style! As the lyrics state at the beginning, she did indeed wake up from a dream with the word "Hephzibah" in her mind and it was all she could remember. She had never heard the word before, so she researched it and found that not only was it a real word, it was found in the Word--Isaiah 62 to be exact. So cool! Good song!

A prayer for a friend

I found this in some old files I was going through. I love the inspiration that God gives when we are willing to listen. I wrote this for a friend who was in a great struggle and thought I would share it on my blog:

To My Friend

The depth of your pain is so vast, that I fear I cannot touch it. My words seem like chaff, drifting away, unable to touch that place of darkness inside of you.

You ask for a word; you ask for a touch; you ask for encouragement. Though these things I offer, they are no longer within your grasp to hear or feel.

Your feelings are like a raw, open wound. Could my words cut you deeper? Could my advice be like salt to your bleeding soul? Your bones are brittle and thin. Could my touch be that thing that breaks you? Your spirit is parched. Could my prayers shrivel you up?

In my insecurity, I look to the Word for a morsel to offer your starving soul. My friend, what I find there might surprise you:

Seek to preserve your life, you’ll lose it.
Complain that you are ruined; he offers to sear your flesh.
Tell Him you want to follow Him, forget your family.
You want to be wise; he wants you to be like a child.
You want to walk on water; you’ve got to learn about sinking.
You want to be rich; he offers poverty.
You desire a wide open road to travel; he shows you a narrow foot path.
The tears will not stop; He weeps with you.
You are looking for the door; He turns you to the altar.
Death promises to consume you; He will guide you through it.

The prayers He has inspired, I fear you may not be able to comprehend:

Lord, my friend is weary. Exhaust her to the point of deliriousness.
She has cried her last tear. Offer her a portion more.
She wants a counselor. Shut the mouths of her mortal companions.
She seeks for relief from the pain. Wound her.
She looks for strength. Weaken her.
My friend is lonely. Send her companions away.
She is parched. Bring her to the desert.
She fears she is loosing her mind. Make her simple and foolish.
She wants to be filled up. Pour her out.
She wants her life back. Wreck it.

I pray these prayers in secret for you my friend. They seem to be heartless and cruel. The Father has let me know that while He consumes your flesh, He will inflate your Spirit. Like air filling an infant’s lung for the first time, He will breathe into you the breath of life. It pains me that you must go through this dark and lonely time. I pray you do not wriggle away while He holds you to the altar. May you scream out to Him who is your only salvation.